Experimenting

When I was growing up I thought for a time I was more of a sub than a dom - certainly from at least the age of eight I had something of an obsession with self-spanking. At the time I struggled to understand myself - I hadn't at that time come across the more user-friendly terms of dom and sub but I had come across sadist and masochist and a lot of what I read about people who were masochists suggested a kind of mental abnormality. I was fortunate to keep my proclivities a secret at the time because I'm sure nobody else would have thought I was normal with some of the things I was doing.

Anytime I was in the house by myself I would indulge in self-spankings that became increasingly severe. I recognised that the awkwardness of trying to hit your own bottom tended to impair the effectiveness and force that could be used so I tended to compensate with removal of clothing, experimentation with different instruments, and more and more strokes as hard as I could manage.

Some of the implements were really on the severe end of the scale - one was just a piece of very solid wood that my father used for mixing wallpaper paste. Just over one inch by half an inch in cross section but just over twenty inches long it packed quite a sting. Even just a light tap stung and as I became more and more ambitious I would deliver self-inflicted beatings of maybe twenty or more hard strokes that would leave bruising for a week or more. Eventually I hid it in his tool shed until he started using something else, and then I took it and hid it in my room. I can't imagine how I would have explained if anyone had found it. I still have it and still regard it as formidable.

Then on another occasion when I was at home by myself I decided to try one of my mother's wooden mixing spoons. I knew I was safe from anyone returning soon so I dropped my trousers and pants in the kitchen and delivered two good hard smacks with the spoon to my tush. The second one made a really loud crack and the spoon splintered into several pieces that flew around the kitchen. The loss of the spoon wasn't much of a problem because she had several but I was never 100% sure that I'd found every piece - imagine trying to explain if a piece of broken spoon had turned up!

I quite like pictures of self-spanking but whereas in most cases it seems the person wants to feel the effects of the punishment I was always more interested in thinking what it would be like to do this to a willing girl and to think about what she would feel like.